Stress

I like to think that that majority of the time I manage my stress load well. I think the only reason I feel this way is because I contain it all inside of me until I implode into a total mess of emotions. Now I know that there are techniques that we can all use to lower our stress levels and handle the issues immediately. Let's just say I dont know how to use them. What seems to work for me is to rationalize the situation that I am in. Make some sort of a plan to overcome whatever I am facing. Then when all else fails I just turn into an emotional wreck with tears streaming down my face crying to my mother. It's amazing that even as adults when we fall our moms are still the ones who will kiss our boo boos and somehow they make it all better. That is usually my go to method when I get to the point of emotional explosion. Then there is always the other method of unloading everything that's on my mind all at once to my husband. Now my husband is my best friend and I talk to him as such when I need to. Now the downside to this is he is very protective and sometimes when I express to him the things that are damaging my heart and soul in that period of time he goes on the defense as if he would exterminate the problems of he could. Of course I am the voice of reason so once I get it all out we agree that exterminating any of the issues at hand isn't the best course of action. I am very thankful that I have him as an outlet. Although I wouldn't have married him had he not been my best friend. For everyone out there looking for Mr. or Mrs. right, my suggestion is that you marry your best friend. No one will take care of your heart and soul like they will. It's like in the best friend code or something. I also find that melting away into something I enjoy doing, or escaping life into a good book helps to relax the mind as well. I am trying my best to learn as many coping methods as I can to deter the amount of stress I allow to rest of my shoulders. Not only is it unhealthy to carry a large of amount of stress, this can even so much as cause ulcers and heart problems, it's not mentally healthy and it doesn't promote for good baby dust. I have a lot fighting against me in the baby department with a broken body and what not. Let's just say with my high risk of miscarriage I have to learn to control every ounce of stress I can when that day comes. Everyone each and everyday faces stressors. It's what we do about those stressors and how we handle them that make the difference in our lives. I am not perfect, I havnt found the key to success in how to ultimately eliminate stress. However I do know that with a strong family backbone, a best friend, a good book, and some serious will power it is possible to change the way you do deal with stress. To relax your mind, body and soul when a stressful situation arrives. To breathe deeply, close your eyes and when it's time to open them again you have a new refined way you intend to tackle the stressor. With a little effort all things can be worked out. It's just a matter of taking the plunge for most of us.

There is no such thing as fair

Fairness is something that only seems to exist in fairy tales anymore. Even then it is far a few between that you find yourself wrapped into a fair situation. A few years ago not knowing I would be where I am today I made the terrible decision to have my tubes tied. Cauterized of all the methods. Little did I know I would regret this decision emmensly. It saddens me that my now husband and I will have to jump through so many hoops just to have more children aside from the two I brought to the table. Which he loves as his own and would be in no way disappointed if they ended up our only children. However we will not go down without a fight as expanding our family is something we feel very deeply about. Now obviously my job is very demanding and I have to jump through hoops as I am required to maintain my flight physical to be capable of performing my job. Well I went to see the local doc to get a referral to OBGYN and see what my options were when it pertains to a tubal reversal. You would not believe how absolutely difficult that is to achieve. So much of a hassle and a rare chance of me being a candidate through the militaries program we have decided to go with IVF. Anyways back to my visit with my flight surgeon to discuss wanting to see an OBGYN about all of this baby making awesomeness. She was an absolute jerk about it all basically telling me how ignorant could I be to get them tied and now just three years later asking for them to be reversed. Yes I know I made a HUGE mistake, obviously as I was seeking help and support, guidance even. She offered nothing but criticism. Her final reaponses were that if I wanted her to even give me a referral to talk to an OBGYN about our options that I needed approval from my commander. Beyond unfair in my opinion. So basically what I got out of it was that it's okay for people who are capable of getting pregnant on their own to do so without involving everyone and their grandmother, by because I would need medial assistance it's not okay for me to seek that to get pregnant because they have some sort of control over if I can or can't conceive. Now tell me where there is any fairness in that at all. What's good for the goose should be good for the gander. Am I wrong? So weeks pass and I hear nothing I'm waiting on a referral that I would recieve if my command approves it. I got tired of waiting for everyone to do nothing. I informed my chain that I needed a meeting with the command to discuss this private matter. Little did I know they had all already discussed it and made a decision. Just left me hanging in the dark for God knows how long. Got my meeting with the command just to be told that they are saying no. And that if I seek outside help at this point to get pregnant without their permission that I will be punished. Are you kidding me! I don't even think that is legal. Seriously fairness, there is none. Oh did I mention like five females in my unit are all pregnant right now, I wonder if they needed command approval too. Oh wait I know they didn't. I feel that there is something legal preventing them from forbidding me at this time to conceive even if I pay for this out of my own pocket. My husband and I have decided upon return from deploying that regardless of the repercussions we will be expanding our family with outside help. I have already informed my first line so no harm no foul he didn't say no to me. If everyone else can do it there is zero reason I should be held to any dofferent requirements. I don't care if I am really awesome and my job and they need me. My family come first always. Now until forever. As it should be. Fairness, I'm not even sure what it means anymore all I know is I gave them the courtesy of informing them of my plans to expand my family, it's time I take fairness in my own hands because I'm not getting any younger.

Emotional Abuse

I have been MIA for a few days on my blog everyone and I greatly apologize. I have been going through an emotionally difficult time and I needed to get myself together again before I could get back to my normal routine. Between the stress of being away from home right now for this stupid extra training that at this point I don't care about because all I want to do is get back home to my normal everyday life so at least my husband can hold me while I fall apart into a million pieces. My daughters were on spring break last week and it was my turn to have them for spring break this year. My ex husband was as nice as pie the whole time I had them as it seemed like since I had them and I update him a lot more then he does me that he was happy. Of course I have him the benefit of the doubt and thought omg maybe he is actually going to pull this huge stick out of his butt and co parent with me like two adults should. That was a big fat punch in the face. He hopped on our little court ordered email site and wrote me a nasty note about how he thinks the girls did this and the girls did that and nothing we did was right and blah blah blah, all lies. It's one thing to come to me and ask if something went a certain way and a whole different story to make accusations and not only call me a lair but to tell me I mentally abuse my children because I didn't unpack their suitcase, which by the way I have told him time and time again they don't need I have everything he has and more at my house for them. Now he is the only person I know that finds a way to emotionally abuse and yell and someone through and email. The level of disrespect for the mother of his children whom he would not have without me is unreal. I have broken down time after time balling my eyes out because this process is just so taxing on my soul. I've decided I will not stand for this any longer and it is time to go back to court and let someone else put a foot in his mouth and let him realize he is the problem through all of this. I am never mean not disrespectful towards him. I mean come on how many times do I have to tell him to stop speaking to me in the manner that he does as I am not longer his wife and I no longer will sit there out of obligation and listen to him emotionally abuse me. The years of physcial abuse and the one instance of sexual abuse were enough! Enough is enough! I can't take this anymore I am falling apart and the girls are going to suffer. I don't have a lot of money but I know deep in my heart if I don't find a way and go back to court soon that not only will I lose my sanity my daughters will suffer true mental trauma from all of this back and fourth between their father and I. I don't know whether to start a go fund me account or what to do. I wish just by some miracle God would allow my family to win the lottery today because or promise I would use that money to fight for my daughters and provide them the life they deserve. I don't know what to do everyone. Please leave comments below to help me find a way to get through this. Any information helps! It's time to fight hard for my daughters!

What to do with the rest of my life

Some people automatically have it all planned out exactly how they see life going for them. Then there is me who wishes she could plan each and every detail of her life, however always scared to take a leap for fear of falling. My husband and I have about four years left of service at this point and we are coming up on our window where we will be allowed to start college online for the remainder of our time and then finish out college at a physical university when we get out. He has known what he has wanted to do with the rest of his life for a long time now. Also he has done various types of jobs before he joined the military. He really wants to do something along the lines of a wildlife conservation officer but different I forget the term he exactly used. The point being he knows exactly what he wants and he is not afraid to go out there and get it. Now myself on the other hand I'm practically scared of life sometimes and new things make me nervous, they always have. I'm a rather shy person and I keep to myself for the most part. He has been asking me lately what I plan to do with the rest of my life in terms of a career. He wants me to do something I enjoy and something that makes it to where we can all come home to each other every night as that isn't a luxury we get now. At first my mind went to well I want to do what I do now in the civilian side of the world. I'm excellent at my job and it is rather lucrative outside of the service. Downside being they travel contantly and are home maybe a few times a year. Which obviously is not good for our growing family I mean we hope to one day have about four kids total so us both being around is truly important. I have always thought of things I would want to do with my life, I just have never leaped for anything. I have been tossing the idea around of maybe teaching or nursing. I have always wanted to be an ER nurse, pediatric nurse, or a nurse working in the maternity ward. I know just how hard it is to achieve that goal and that does slightly deter me. I know I am smart and I'm sure that if I pushed hard enough I would be plenty capable, I just sell myself short sometimes. I think that's the route I plan on exploring and I only have about a month left before its decision time because that's when I can start choosing colleges and get enrolled. I just don't want to make the wrong decision and end up failing or worse doing something I hate for the rest of my life. What helps a person makes these decisions and settle on one thing for the rest of their days? How does this choice seem so easy for some, yet I sit her struggling with my own thoughts? I wish I had the confidence to tell me to take the leap of faith. I will get there when the time comes I suppose but for down I bid you all good day!

Potty Training

For every new parent who hasn't spent much time with other small children before bringing their own into the world, this stage of life can be intimidating. Now so far I only have two daughters so I cannot speak for the male side of the house just yet, so I would like to think I had it pretty easy as my girls weren't aweful to potty train at all. Of course though my oldest daughter was a lot more work the. My youngest. Both of the girls were fast trackers in life and I expected the days of potty training to come sooner then the age of two and they sure did. So by 20 months my oldest daughter was expressing her interest in the potty. I went out and purchased one of those bright pink princess pottys that even made a princess noise when you fake flushed it. She absolutely hated it! She refused to use it as if she was afraid of it. I faught her and faught her over the situation and eventually one day I lifted her up and held her over the big girl potty and wallah she finally went potty. So I ran back to the store and found one of the potty seats that sits directly on the toilet just to make the hole small enough for her little butt not to go plummeting into the toilet bowl. We were back in business and our potty in the diapers was limited to poop and bed time accidents at this point. Now poop was a little different story my oldest had the habit of hiding in a corner to do her business in her diaper. So she really didn't like the idea of having to sit on the potty and take care of business. Eventually though I figured we are going to go diaper less so she has no option but to get over the poop fear and believe it or not this slapped me in the face. She went potty all day long on the potty and then it came her usual poop time. She hunted for her cloth diaper but she couldn't find one I had already washed them, prepped them and put them away in the drawer. She was crying and screaming and I rushed her to the potty and told her that it was okay and she could do it. Nope I walked away for two seconds she ran to the living room and pooped straight on the living room floor. She sure showed me who was boss that day. A month later she finally got over her fear and with some bribery she pooped on the potty. It was a celebration that day and she got praised for her success which I found very important to do for her. As far as overnight was concerned I stopped her liquid intake an hour before bed and that limited her accidents. Then by her second birthday she was free to get up in the middle of the night and use the potty attached to her room and we had no more accidents other then the occasional I slept to hard and wet the bed or let some slip out. But that went away to overtime. Now with my youngest daughter potty training was the easiest thing on earth. She loved both pottys the princess one and the potty seat it didn't matter to her as long as she got to feel like a big girl like mommy and sissy. My oldest daughter practically potty trained her for me. Because if you know anything about little sisters they want to be just like their big sister. So her potty training time took maybe two months of no effort, no coaching, and no bribery needed. However I still celebrated and praised her for the big milestones like first potty, first poop, and first overnight dry diaper and of course the completion of her potty training process. So if anyone is out there struggling just remember it's usually easier the second time at least in my experience. We hope to have ourselves a little boy down the road so im sure that will be interesting as ever. Until tomorrow everyone have a wonderful day! Please follow, comment, and share with all your friends!

The talking back stages

Well we have finally hit the age where my oldest daughter believes it is okay to talk back to her parents or assume she is right in a situation where she is clearly not. How do you explain to a 6 year old effectively that talking back in unacceptable and will not be tolerated? Because apparently I have the least bit of an idea. My husband and I have had sit down talks with her about how that is unacceptable behavior and my ex husband says he has had this discussion with her however him being him he swears that it is all my fault because I let her think she is right when she is not. I have only allowed to to be right when she wasn't once an that was because she was mid meltdown over an advent calendar that my mother made her for Christmas. I know I am not supposed to feel this way, but I feel as though she has been taught that it's okay to be disrespectful towards us when she is at my home. Who knows maybe it is my fault and I was too soft on her when she was younger and now her being six she is using that to her advantage. All I know is we need to nip this in the butt, because back talking, eye rolling and whispering under her breathe is not okay and I will not allow her to do so. I didn't see this phase coming so soon. I figured maybe when the teenage hormones began to flow through her that then we might run into this typw of behavior, but never did I imagine it would start at age six. I am at a loss, I admit I try not to be too harsh on punishing the girls as I want them to know that mommas house is a safe place because myself and their father do punish and parent differently. I suppose I will have to become firmer with her and bring back the naughty corner. And begin having her explain to me why she was punished and what behavior she is not to continue and see if that does the trick. For all the parents out there going through the same troubles I'd love for you to leave me a comment with any suggestions you may have. I'm just a regular ol momma trying to raise her two crazy girls and make co-parenting work while not driving the love of my life insane in the process. He handles this all so well and I don't know how he takes on so much and does it all like a pro, however I won't question any of it because clearly it is in my life plan to have him by our sides and I couldn't be more appreciative of how supportive he is of me and the girls. Getting through this crazy age of six is a lot harder then I thought it would be. Everyone always warned of about how I have two girls and it's gonna be so crazy when they are teenagers. Well why in the world did they not warn me about age 6! Forget the teen years there's a lot more to take from them to correct behavior at that age. Plus that's seven years away and I'm hoping it will go by slowly so my baby girls stay my babies for a few more years. My four year old is so sweet and respectful and adorable, their personalities couldn't be more different, but then again they always have been. But regardless even if I end up on the brink of insanity I will still strive to keep my chin up, eyes forward and take this parenting my attitude ridden child head on because at the end of the day she is still my little princess and I'm sure at some point my mom had to put my sassy tone into place as well. So until tomorrow everyone have a great day!

Cloth diapering

Cloth diapering has really become quite an amazing thing. When my girls were younger I chose to cloth diaper the both of them because they had very sensitive bottoms. It was some what of an in total investment in order to get my stockpile built up but once it was built up it was a life saver. Seeing as later down the road I had another little girls the same patterns were still reusable which by then the savings were tremendous because there was no initial investment as I held onto my cloth diapers knowing that I still wanted more littles. My husband and I are planning to conceive early next year and I would love to cloth diaper our child as well. However I am unsure if our demanding schedule will allow for that as it is often hard to find a sitter that is comfortable cloth diapering your child. I would just rather not swap back and fourth from chemical ridden diapers to my amazing cloth diapers because that can also cause irritation for your little ones. I have tried everything from the all in ones two the two part cover and insert and so far the Alva diapers with a bamboo charcoal I sert that slide perfectly into the pocket worked the best for us. Not to mention they were just absolutely adorable! My girls had the cute bottoms on the planet when they were rocking heir cloth diaper butts. Those days are long past for my family now as both of the girls are now well of the age to be potty trained. I still havnt yet let go of my cloth diaper dreams for my husband and myself a future children so this post will be updated with that decision when the time comes. If we end up going that route then you best believe I will throw a post up with epic pictures of my adorable stash and which diapers and brands I find best to prevent leaks and comfort on baby. For the money savings alone I hope you will all give cloth for your baby a try. Not to mention for those with sensitive kids like mine it is a great chemical free alternative. Also studies show that cloth diapered babies potty train faster than those using traditional diapers. Which I can attest to as both my girls were fully potty trained before they were even two both night and day! My potty training experience with my daughters is coming up soon so keep and eye out for that this week. Until then have an amazing day. Please fill free to follow, comment and share with all your friends and share your cloth diaper experience with me as well!