A lot goes into to what makes a person a person. We each go through our own struggles and triumphs. These are the things that mold us. Change us overtime into the man or women we become.
This is my story, this is how I became the woman I am today.
By age 12 I had already learned that growing up sometimes comes faster then you'd hope for. My biological father had finally lost his battle with brain cancer. That would be the first time that I would realize the feeling of a broken heart.
I made it all the way to my final year of high school before I ever let my heart be broken again. I realized my boyfriend of 4 years and my self's paths were leading in two very different directions. So I decided to separate myself from that situation. Only to find out that choice would lead me to my first bad decision.
When I decided to move on I found myself in the arms of a man who was no good for me. Who would later turn my entire life upside down. After high school came to an end I soon found out I was pregnant. I graduated early so when this came I was only 16 years old. I must have taken 6 tests just to be sure my eyes weren't tricking me. I cried for hours in my closet of all places to cry. I mustered up the strength to tell my boyfriend. He seemed thrilled and was going to support my decision to keep our daughter.
I should have known that he never truly did care, but the younger version of me didn't want to let go of the hope that I wouldn't be yet another teen stereotype. Months flew by and finally in my arms was my precious little girl, who we called Addyson.
I mistook his financial support for faithfulness. I guess I learned the hard the way that there is difference between love and obligation.
A year later in an attempt to ensure that my daughter got to grow up with both of her parents I married her father. (Huge Regret) As the cheating NEVER stopped. Once a cheater always a cheater, I guess the young dumb me should have taken that advice a little more to heart.
Fast forward two years, yes I was still there sticking it out. Along came baby girl number two. I always knew I wanted a big family. I suppose half my brain thought that even though I was very unhappy that having all my kids from one dad was better then having kids with multiple dads. Don't get me wrong I had an amazing step dad but at that point I wasn't ready to give up the façade I was living in.
I continued to catch him cheating, texting other women, sending and receiving inappropriate images to one another, saving hook ups under fake names. Even going to the extent to have a fling with our 18 year old babysitter.
I began to realize that I needed to find a way out. I was a stay at home mom and didn't think I could do it without him and I surely did not want to run home to my parents. Without bringing up the topic of divorce I questioned my now ex-husband as to if he would support my decision to enlist in the Army, as he is Army himself. A few months later I headed off to basic training.
I am now a UAV operator and have reached some level of success. I am proud to say I have found my own way and realized I can and could have done it on my own so much sooner then I gave myself credit for.
While I was away for training the neighbor whom babysat my daughters informed me that he had been fooling around with someone from work and that he had been allowing her to live with him and my daughters in my absence. He had never before involved my children in his indiscretions, or so I thought at this point, but that's a story for another time. Furious I finally spoke up for myself. I demanded a divorce and I got one.
Of course to try and save himself from me coming after his career for adultery he began to deny the affair after I was finally leaving him for real this time. But I am sure you all can agree that getting married to your mistress 16 days after the divorce to keep your BAH is pretty guilty to me. But who am I to say true love doesn't blossom in 16 days.
A little more then a year past my divorce now and I am very happy to report that I have myself married the man of my dreams. I never knew what truly being loved could feel like until I met my husband. He has stood by me through all the drama that still continues because my ex-husband and his wife do not know how to co parent effectively without being complete jerks.
Most of all though he never ceases to amaze me with how much he loves my daughters. Its hard to think sometimes that they didn't come from him and I.
So back to my dream of having a big family and being afraid to have kids from different fathers, I grew out of that. Unfortunately though when I was previously married my ex-husband didn't want anymore kids, I honestly don't even think he liked kids because he sure as hell didn't help much. I had my tubes tied in 2013.
My dream of having a big family has not yet died, my husband and I are exploring the option of IVF. And although it very costly we are willing to pay whatever the cost to expand our family. So this time next year after I return from deployment we will begin our IVF journey and I could not be more thrilled.
Every challenge that we find a way to overcome molds us, grows us into the man and women we become. I wish I was able to learn to live my own life and make the choices I later made much sooner. But I appreciate the struggle for without it I would not be me and I wouldn't be where I am today. So this is me, living my crazy beautiful life.
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