Stress

I like to think that that majority of the time I manage my stress load well. I think the only reason I feel this way is because I contain it all inside of me until I implode into a total mess of emotions. Now I know that there are techniques that we can all use to lower our stress levels and handle the issues immediately. Let's just say I dont know how to use them. What seems to work for me is to rationalize the situation that I am in. Make some sort of a plan to overcome whatever I am facing. Then when all else fails I just turn into an emotional wreck with tears streaming down my face crying to my mother. It's amazing that even as adults when we fall our moms are still the ones who will kiss our boo boos and somehow they make it all better. That is usually my go to method when I get to the point of emotional explosion. Then there is always the other method of unloading everything that's on my mind all at once to my husband. Now my husband is my best friend and I talk to him as such when I need to. Now the downside to this is he is very protective and sometimes when I express to him the things that are damaging my heart and soul in that period of time he goes on the defense as if he would exterminate the problems of he could. Of course I am the voice of reason so once I get it all out we agree that exterminating any of the issues at hand isn't the best course of action. I am very thankful that I have him as an outlet. Although I wouldn't have married him had he not been my best friend. For everyone out there looking for Mr. or Mrs. right, my suggestion is that you marry your best friend. No one will take care of your heart and soul like they will. It's like in the best friend code or something. I also find that melting away into something I enjoy doing, or escaping life into a good book helps to relax the mind as well. I am trying my best to learn as many coping methods as I can to deter the amount of stress I allow to rest of my shoulders. Not only is it unhealthy to carry a large of amount of stress, this can even so much as cause ulcers and heart problems, it's not mentally healthy and it doesn't promote for good baby dust. I have a lot fighting against me in the baby department with a broken body and what not. Let's just say with my high risk of miscarriage I have to learn to control every ounce of stress I can when that day comes. Everyone each and everyday faces stressors. It's what we do about those stressors and how we handle them that make the difference in our lives. I am not perfect, I havnt found the key to success in how to ultimately eliminate stress. However I do know that with a strong family backbone, a best friend, a good book, and some serious will power it is possible to change the way you do deal with stress. To relax your mind, body and soul when a stressful situation arrives. To breathe deeply, close your eyes and when it's time to open them again you have a new refined way you intend to tackle the stressor. With a little effort all things can be worked out. It's just a matter of taking the plunge for most of us.

There is no such thing as fair

Fairness is something that only seems to exist in fairy tales anymore. Even then it is far a few between that you find yourself wrapped into a fair situation. A few years ago not knowing I would be where I am today I made the terrible decision to have my tubes tied. Cauterized of all the methods. Little did I know I would regret this decision emmensly. It saddens me that my now husband and I will have to jump through so many hoops just to have more children aside from the two I brought to the table. Which he loves as his own and would be in no way disappointed if they ended up our only children. However we will not go down without a fight as expanding our family is something we feel very deeply about. Now obviously my job is very demanding and I have to jump through hoops as I am required to maintain my flight physical to be capable of performing my job. Well I went to see the local doc to get a referral to OBGYN and see what my options were when it pertains to a tubal reversal. You would not believe how absolutely difficult that is to achieve. So much of a hassle and a rare chance of me being a candidate through the militaries program we have decided to go with IVF. Anyways back to my visit with my flight surgeon to discuss wanting to see an OBGYN about all of this baby making awesomeness. She was an absolute jerk about it all basically telling me how ignorant could I be to get them tied and now just three years later asking for them to be reversed. Yes I know I made a HUGE mistake, obviously as I was seeking help and support, guidance even. She offered nothing but criticism. Her final reaponses were that if I wanted her to even give me a referral to talk to an OBGYN about our options that I needed approval from my commander. Beyond unfair in my opinion. So basically what I got out of it was that it's okay for people who are capable of getting pregnant on their own to do so without involving everyone and their grandmother, by because I would need medial assistance it's not okay for me to seek that to get pregnant because they have some sort of control over if I can or can't conceive. Now tell me where there is any fairness in that at all. What's good for the goose should be good for the gander. Am I wrong? So weeks pass and I hear nothing I'm waiting on a referral that I would recieve if my command approves it. I got tired of waiting for everyone to do nothing. I informed my chain that I needed a meeting with the command to discuss this private matter. Little did I know they had all already discussed it and made a decision. Just left me hanging in the dark for God knows how long. Got my meeting with the command just to be told that they are saying no. And that if I seek outside help at this point to get pregnant without their permission that I will be punished. Are you kidding me! I don't even think that is legal. Seriously fairness, there is none. Oh did I mention like five females in my unit are all pregnant right now, I wonder if they needed command approval too. Oh wait I know they didn't. I feel that there is something legal preventing them from forbidding me at this time to conceive even if I pay for this out of my own pocket. My husband and I have decided upon return from deploying that regardless of the repercussions we will be expanding our family with outside help. I have already informed my first line so no harm no foul he didn't say no to me. If everyone else can do it there is zero reason I should be held to any dofferent requirements. I don't care if I am really awesome and my job and they need me. My family come first always. Now until forever. As it should be. Fairness, I'm not even sure what it means anymore all I know is I gave them the courtesy of informing them of my plans to expand my family, it's time I take fairness in my own hands because I'm not getting any younger.

Emotional Abuse

I have been MIA for a few days on my blog everyone and I greatly apologize. I have been going through an emotionally difficult time and I needed to get myself together again before I could get back to my normal routine. Between the stress of being away from home right now for this stupid extra training that at this point I don't care about because all I want to do is get back home to my normal everyday life so at least my husband can hold me while I fall apart into a million pieces. My daughters were on spring break last week and it was my turn to have them for spring break this year. My ex husband was as nice as pie the whole time I had them as it seemed like since I had them and I update him a lot more then he does me that he was happy. Of course I have him the benefit of the doubt and thought omg maybe he is actually going to pull this huge stick out of his butt and co parent with me like two adults should. That was a big fat punch in the face. He hopped on our little court ordered email site and wrote me a nasty note about how he thinks the girls did this and the girls did that and nothing we did was right and blah blah blah, all lies. It's one thing to come to me and ask if something went a certain way and a whole different story to make accusations and not only call me a lair but to tell me I mentally abuse my children because I didn't unpack their suitcase, which by the way I have told him time and time again they don't need I have everything he has and more at my house for them. Now he is the only person I know that finds a way to emotionally abuse and yell and someone through and email. The level of disrespect for the mother of his children whom he would not have without me is unreal. I have broken down time after time balling my eyes out because this process is just so taxing on my soul. I've decided I will not stand for this any longer and it is time to go back to court and let someone else put a foot in his mouth and let him realize he is the problem through all of this. I am never mean not disrespectful towards him. I mean come on how many times do I have to tell him to stop speaking to me in the manner that he does as I am not longer his wife and I no longer will sit there out of obligation and listen to him emotionally abuse me. The years of physcial abuse and the one instance of sexual abuse were enough! Enough is enough! I can't take this anymore I am falling apart and the girls are going to suffer. I don't have a lot of money but I know deep in my heart if I don't find a way and go back to court soon that not only will I lose my sanity my daughters will suffer true mental trauma from all of this back and fourth between their father and I. I don't know whether to start a go fund me account or what to do. I wish just by some miracle God would allow my family to win the lottery today because or promise I would use that money to fight for my daughters and provide them the life they deserve. I don't know what to do everyone. Please leave comments below to help me find a way to get through this. Any information helps! It's time to fight hard for my daughters!

What to do with the rest of my life

Some people automatically have it all planned out exactly how they see life going for them. Then there is me who wishes she could plan each and every detail of her life, however always scared to take a leap for fear of falling. My husband and I have about four years left of service at this point and we are coming up on our window where we will be allowed to start college online for the remainder of our time and then finish out college at a physical university when we get out. He has known what he has wanted to do with the rest of his life for a long time now. Also he has done various types of jobs before he joined the military. He really wants to do something along the lines of a wildlife conservation officer but different I forget the term he exactly used. The point being he knows exactly what he wants and he is not afraid to go out there and get it. Now myself on the other hand I'm practically scared of life sometimes and new things make me nervous, they always have. I'm a rather shy person and I keep to myself for the most part. He has been asking me lately what I plan to do with the rest of my life in terms of a career. He wants me to do something I enjoy and something that makes it to where we can all come home to each other every night as that isn't a luxury we get now. At first my mind went to well I want to do what I do now in the civilian side of the world. I'm excellent at my job and it is rather lucrative outside of the service. Downside being they travel contantly and are home maybe a few times a year. Which obviously is not good for our growing family I mean we hope to one day have about four kids total so us both being around is truly important. I have always thought of things I would want to do with my life, I just have never leaped for anything. I have been tossing the idea around of maybe teaching or nursing. I have always wanted to be an ER nurse, pediatric nurse, or a nurse working in the maternity ward. I know just how hard it is to achieve that goal and that does slightly deter me. I know I am smart and I'm sure that if I pushed hard enough I would be plenty capable, I just sell myself short sometimes. I think that's the route I plan on exploring and I only have about a month left before its decision time because that's when I can start choosing colleges and get enrolled. I just don't want to make the wrong decision and end up failing or worse doing something I hate for the rest of my life. What helps a person makes these decisions and settle on one thing for the rest of their days? How does this choice seem so easy for some, yet I sit her struggling with my own thoughts? I wish I had the confidence to tell me to take the leap of faith. I will get there when the time comes I suppose but for down I bid you all good day!

Potty Training

For every new parent who hasn't spent much time with other small children before bringing their own into the world, this stage of life can be intimidating. Now so far I only have two daughters so I cannot speak for the male side of the house just yet, so I would like to think I had it pretty easy as my girls weren't aweful to potty train at all. Of course though my oldest daughter was a lot more work the. My youngest. Both of the girls were fast trackers in life and I expected the days of potty training to come sooner then the age of two and they sure did. So by 20 months my oldest daughter was expressing her interest in the potty. I went out and purchased one of those bright pink princess pottys that even made a princess noise when you fake flushed it. She absolutely hated it! She refused to use it as if she was afraid of it. I faught her and faught her over the situation and eventually one day I lifted her up and held her over the big girl potty and wallah she finally went potty. So I ran back to the store and found one of the potty seats that sits directly on the toilet just to make the hole small enough for her little butt not to go plummeting into the toilet bowl. We were back in business and our potty in the diapers was limited to poop and bed time accidents at this point. Now poop was a little different story my oldest had the habit of hiding in a corner to do her business in her diaper. So she really didn't like the idea of having to sit on the potty and take care of business. Eventually though I figured we are going to go diaper less so she has no option but to get over the poop fear and believe it or not this slapped me in the face. She went potty all day long on the potty and then it came her usual poop time. She hunted for her cloth diaper but she couldn't find one I had already washed them, prepped them and put them away in the drawer. She was crying and screaming and I rushed her to the potty and told her that it was okay and she could do it. Nope I walked away for two seconds she ran to the living room and pooped straight on the living room floor. She sure showed me who was boss that day. A month later she finally got over her fear and with some bribery she pooped on the potty. It was a celebration that day and she got praised for her success which I found very important to do for her. As far as overnight was concerned I stopped her liquid intake an hour before bed and that limited her accidents. Then by her second birthday she was free to get up in the middle of the night and use the potty attached to her room and we had no more accidents other then the occasional I slept to hard and wet the bed or let some slip out. But that went away to overtime. Now with my youngest daughter potty training was the easiest thing on earth. She loved both pottys the princess one and the potty seat it didn't matter to her as long as she got to feel like a big girl like mommy and sissy. My oldest daughter practically potty trained her for me. Because if you know anything about little sisters they want to be just like their big sister. So her potty training time took maybe two months of no effort, no coaching, and no bribery needed. However I still celebrated and praised her for the big milestones like first potty, first poop, and first overnight dry diaper and of course the completion of her potty training process. So if anyone is out there struggling just remember it's usually easier the second time at least in my experience. We hope to have ourselves a little boy down the road so im sure that will be interesting as ever. Until tomorrow everyone have a wonderful day! Please follow, comment, and share with all your friends!

The talking back stages

Well we have finally hit the age where my oldest daughter believes it is okay to talk back to her parents or assume she is right in a situation where she is clearly not. How do you explain to a 6 year old effectively that talking back in unacceptable and will not be tolerated? Because apparently I have the least bit of an idea. My husband and I have had sit down talks with her about how that is unacceptable behavior and my ex husband says he has had this discussion with her however him being him he swears that it is all my fault because I let her think she is right when she is not. I have only allowed to to be right when she wasn't once an that was because she was mid meltdown over an advent calendar that my mother made her for Christmas. I know I am not supposed to feel this way, but I feel as though she has been taught that it's okay to be disrespectful towards us when she is at my home. Who knows maybe it is my fault and I was too soft on her when she was younger and now her being six she is using that to her advantage. All I know is we need to nip this in the butt, because back talking, eye rolling and whispering under her breathe is not okay and I will not allow her to do so. I didn't see this phase coming so soon. I figured maybe when the teenage hormones began to flow through her that then we might run into this typw of behavior, but never did I imagine it would start at age six. I am at a loss, I admit I try not to be too harsh on punishing the girls as I want them to know that mommas house is a safe place because myself and their father do punish and parent differently. I suppose I will have to become firmer with her and bring back the naughty corner. And begin having her explain to me why she was punished and what behavior she is not to continue and see if that does the trick. For all the parents out there going through the same troubles I'd love for you to leave me a comment with any suggestions you may have. I'm just a regular ol momma trying to raise her two crazy girls and make co-parenting work while not driving the love of my life insane in the process. He handles this all so well and I don't know how he takes on so much and does it all like a pro, however I won't question any of it because clearly it is in my life plan to have him by our sides and I couldn't be more appreciative of how supportive he is of me and the girls. Getting through this crazy age of six is a lot harder then I thought it would be. Everyone always warned of about how I have two girls and it's gonna be so crazy when they are teenagers. Well why in the world did they not warn me about age 6! Forget the teen years there's a lot more to take from them to correct behavior at that age. Plus that's seven years away and I'm hoping it will go by slowly so my baby girls stay my babies for a few more years. My four year old is so sweet and respectful and adorable, their personalities couldn't be more different, but then again they always have been. But regardless even if I end up on the brink of insanity I will still strive to keep my chin up, eyes forward and take this parenting my attitude ridden child head on because at the end of the day she is still my little princess and I'm sure at some point my mom had to put my sassy tone into place as well. So until tomorrow everyone have a great day!

Cloth diapering

Cloth diapering has really become quite an amazing thing. When my girls were younger I chose to cloth diaper the both of them because they had very sensitive bottoms. It was some what of an in total investment in order to get my stockpile built up but once it was built up it was a life saver. Seeing as later down the road I had another little girls the same patterns were still reusable which by then the savings were tremendous because there was no initial investment as I held onto my cloth diapers knowing that I still wanted more littles. My husband and I are planning to conceive early next year and I would love to cloth diaper our child as well. However I am unsure if our demanding schedule will allow for that as it is often hard to find a sitter that is comfortable cloth diapering your child. I would just rather not swap back and fourth from chemical ridden diapers to my amazing cloth diapers because that can also cause irritation for your little ones. I have tried everything from the all in ones two the two part cover and insert and so far the Alva diapers with a bamboo charcoal I sert that slide perfectly into the pocket worked the best for us. Not to mention they were just absolutely adorable! My girls had the cute bottoms on the planet when they were rocking heir cloth diaper butts. Those days are long past for my family now as both of the girls are now well of the age to be potty trained. I still havnt yet let go of my cloth diaper dreams for my husband and myself a future children so this post will be updated with that decision when the time comes. If we end up going that route then you best believe I will throw a post up with epic pictures of my adorable stash and which diapers and brands I find best to prevent leaks and comfort on baby. For the money savings alone I hope you will all give cloth for your baby a try. Not to mention for those with sensitive kids like mine it is a great chemical free alternative. Also studies show that cloth diapered babies potty train faster than those using traditional diapers. Which I can attest to as both my girls were fully potty trained before they were even two both night and day! My potty training experience with my daughters is coming up soon so keep and eye out for that this week. Until then have an amazing day. Please fill free to follow, comment and share with all your friends and share your cloth diaper experience with me as well!

Co-parenting

When I thought of the fact that my ex-husband and I would have to learn to co-parent I assumed that we would be way better at that then we were at being married. I was very misled in that assumption I have the least bit of idea how I came to that fantasy. We are constantly at each other's throats. I tend to be the one who acts like the adult where as him and his wife tend to be the ones whom judge and try to throw shade at myself and my husband just to make himself feel a little less miserable. Over the years I have learned that when someone feels bad about themselves or their situation that they reflect that on how they treat others. My ex husband is not one to enjoy settling down with one women so I can only assume he's right back where he started and instead of taking it all out on his wife he takes it out on me. Little does he know I enjoy his bashings. Now that's not because I enjoy being put down or dealing with a full a full grown man child, however I enjoy watching himself dig a hole so the next time I take him back to court the judge looks down at all of our conversations and asks him what goes through his mind that makes him think that putting people down like that is acceptable. I can't wait for that day! All my sitting back and staying quiet and being the bigger person will pay off. I never thought I would be where I am in my life today but I'm thankful for my journey and for my battle. I have undergone in a marriage things that not many will ever have to endure. I was angry and hateful for those things for a very long time only to grow from the events and build my backbone on overcoming them. For all the spouse out there both men and women alike who struggle through abuse , both physically, sexually, and mentally, grow from it allow it to fill your soul and build a new stronger more confident you. I sure did and look at me today. I have reached a good point in my life. Two beautiful kids an amazing husband who adores the very ground I walk on and an awesome family who I have been able to finally be honest with about all that I went through. I'm sure everyone struggles with sharing custody of their kids expecially with someone whom do to the things they did to you, you would think that they wouldn't deserve a second with their kids. How do all of you handle a less then worthy co-parent. I muster up the strength to get through it each day, but I am never opposed to more tips and tricks on how to better get through this journey. I have another 14 years tell my kids that I share with him are 18 and let me tell you as slow as I want my babies to grow I'm going to be counting down the years tell I'm released from his existence. But it doesn't really stop their we will still one day share grand children share visiting the kids in their adult lives share college and other important events that they will go through. I just hope that one day we will be able to get to a point where that becomes easier. I don't see that happening though until they are adults and we no longer have to agree on anything. Thanks for following my blog and to everyone have an amazing day!

Visit with my littles!

I am away for a work trip this month and yesterday started my girls being on their spring break so I am missing all of the time that I would be able to be spending with them right now. Luckily for me I have a super awesome husband at home who is holding down the fort by himself for the first time. I wasn't originally going to get to visit with the girls this visit, but my mother in law was ever so amazing as to drive 2 and a 1/2 hours to come pick me up on a Friday night just to drive 4 and a 1/2 hours to visit the girls just to drive another 4 and a 1/2 half hours back home. And now this morning we will soon be getting ready to drive another 2 and a 1/2 hours to take me back to work so that I am all ready to go for tomorrow. Needless to say it's been a very busy weekend that's for sure. But on the plus side I was able to get some internet and able to video chat both my husband and my children for more then ten minutes which is just absolutely amazing! I am of course trying to get a last a last minute video call in with them before I have to get back on the road again. My little girls have grown so much they always seem to get smarter and more Whittey each and every time they are with me. I love them to pieces! Kids are just absolutely amazing arnt they? Then tomorrow it's back to another riveting day learning more and more about what my job entails. I wasn't able to get on and throw up a post yesterday, usually I try to have them scheduled in advance but with this lovely lack of wifi where I am staying that has become a true pain. But not to worry I will get back on track soon and hopefully I can get down to the library next weekend and just sit and flood my blog with scheduled posts for weeks! I have a brain full of ideas and I'm just waiting to get them out. Until later everyone, have an amazing day and an amazing week with your friends and families!

TDY Update

For those of you who have kept up with my blog daily you know that almost a week ago now I had to say farewell to my family for an entire month. Now some of you may not know what TDY stands for.  It simply means temporary duty. Basically they have sent me to another post other then the post I am stationed at in order for me to gain some sort of beneficial knowledge that I couldn't have otherwise received there. The course is so far pretty great and very informative. I know the basics of all that we are learning however the instructors really break down the nitty gritty of it all and get very in depth with the subjects. All of which very much so pertains to my field of work. On a sad note our living quarters are less then acceptable in my opinion. To some that may make me sound superficial or just a big over dramatic complainer, but this is my opinion of it all and I am entitled to my feelings and opinions on everything in life that involves me. And honestly I'm just an overall blunt person the majority of the time so I wouldn't care if others judged me for it or not. So let me start with traditionally when a soldier goes TDY they are payed per diem to help with extra food costs as we are not usually afforded a facility where we could purchase and cook our own meals. Secondly when someone goes TDY they usually are giving lodging within the posts hotel. When it came down that I was going TDY for a month I was very excited, it was a new experience and myself and a group of eight were the first of the company to go on a TDY outing. Upon getting here however I wanted nothing more then to hop back into our vehicles and run and humanly far away as possible. Our company deciding we deserved less then sub standard living decided that instead of paying for hotels for us to stay in that they would instead coordinate barracks for us. Now I have lived in barracks on two seperate occasions and not once did they ever compare to these. The moment we all laid eyes on them our hearts sank to our toes. I immediately thought to myself great I'm gonna catch staff infection and lice here, how exciting. We get inside to get issued our room keys. I of course inquire whether they have wifi both so I could catch up on some blogging and so that I can be on constant video chat with my husband and children. They have no wifi in the building none that I can even pay for. So I'm already less then impressed both my lack of wifi and cleanliness at this point. Then they issue me my key and ask me to go to the third floor and see if my key works. I go to my room I insert me key and I hear the locking mechanism twist. My keys works. I slowly open the door, two my left there is a beat up old bunk bed with two beaten down old blue mattresses. Of course the bottom one looks disease ridden so me being afraid of heights I still choose the top bunk. We had to bring our own bedding as none would be provided to us. I was thankful I did because I couldn't even imagine what they would have supplied us. I walk deeper into the room to find an ancient mini fridge with rusted out shelves barely cooling not worthy of placing food in for fear of contamination and a small microwave that was probly the least of my concerns. I continued to look hoping magically tucked behind a shell I would find a bathroom. I didn't of course, just my luck. I walked down the hall to find the bathroom. Quickly seeing the urinals as I entered I realized that this was deffinetly not a female barracks and built solely for males. I then realized the showers we also open bay, no curtains, no hiding your private parts from the world, you know in case you had different private parts from what the rest of the building has. I rushed down the stairs. I explained that well the showers were open bay and that there was no way for me to lock the door and keep the males out so that I could shower. I was outraged and my husband is very protective was even more furious. There solution of course is to put a piece of paper on the door designating a bathroom on the third floor as mine. I'm the only female in the entire building by the way. They say they had no idea a female was coming or else would have better accommodated me. However if you can better accommodate me, why arnt you? I made a complaint to my chain of command however they tried to fight for me but ultimately the command told me to suck it up. Now I know nothing probably will go wrong while I am here but if it does I will reign now a wrath like no one as ever seen before for putting me in a bad position. So for all my military ladies out there if your going to go TDY make sure you get the exact information on where you will be staying because let me tell you I have made it very clear that this will never happen to me again or they can kiss my rear side because I simply won't go!

The Day I Died

This is me Brittany Miller. Let me tell you a very person story about the day I died. Now let me start this off with the fact that I didn't truly die. But in the twisted reality of my ex-husband he killed me off. I left my family about two years ago now to join the Army, helping to go from stay at home  mom to contributing to my families income to make the day to day of enjoying the fun things in life a little more affordable. Little did I know that a year and a half prior to me even joining the Army and leaving for training I had died. My ex-husband had been stuck in a bad traffic accident on the highway and came home late from work that evening. Unbeknown to me amidst this traffic jam he exited his vehicle like many others did to stretch his legs after sitting in dead stop traffic. As the story unfolds he met a girl, who we will just call Sarah to protect her true identity as she truly did nothing wrong and I in no way blame or resent her for the actions that occurred. She was a young women, early twenties, close to my age or roughly a little younger then I. They talked for two ours awaiting the clearance of the roads. Now knowing who I was really married to this didn't surprise me that he would approach a women and hand out his number like it was candy. By this point we had one daughter and another on the way. Eventually the roads were beginning to be cleared and they exchanged numbers. He downloaded an app known as Viber to message her through so that I wouldn't as easily be able to find his secret messages to her. He explained to her that he had a very busy schedule so that he wouldn't be able to see or talk to her all the time as the Army and being a single dad to his one daughter was very time consuming, (he was never a single dad nor did he help me raise our daughter he didn't even like kids). He would visit her 2-3 times a week when he would go out on a motorcycle ride with "his friends" or so I thought. Over the course of their relationship as things grew more serious he told her that he was previously married but that a drunk driver hit me and I perished in the accident. This event never occurred I have never been in a true accident, but he had to keep his story straight and get rid of the mother of his child some how right? She was of course heartbroken for him. And they only grew closer to one another.  Along came baby number two and how was he supposed to explain her to Sarah? Of course with more lies. He told Sarah that his sister had a daughter, who might I add looks identical to our oldest daughter, and that she was a serious drug abuser and duct taped her daughter to the wall and was losing custody, custody which he planned to take of her. She supported him in this decision, however she was confused how he would have the time as he had told her that his family often had to keep our oldest daughter because the Army always kept him so busy, hence why she hadn't yet met our oldest. He would tell me that he had staff duty and instead he was having sleep overs at her house because of course she couldn't come to his and we lived only 40 minutes from her house. As he could easily do he made her fall in love with him. Soon their relationship took a leap into the sexual intercourse pool. She was a virigin and him absolutely having zero care for as to what that means to someone who is saving herself for the right man quickly leaped at the chance to rid her of her innocence after she waited so many years to protect that virtue. While I was in the hospital giving birth to our youngest daughter he took our oldest daughter to meet Sarah and her family and friends. What a great time to escape your wife when there is nothing she can do about it. And who would think that while their wife is in the hospital giving the miracle of life after a very complicated pregnancy that their husband would up and cheat on them trying to start a new family while confusing my oldest daughter who was only two at the time. Finally two and a half years later I left for basic training. He left our girls with my friend telling her he had to clean out our house because we were getting ready to move to a new state, and instead he stayed out until one in the morning sleeping at Sarah's house. He snuck out just after midnight to get back to the girls and oops he left his phone. He made it thirty minutes away when he realized his mistake and rushed to turn around for fear he would be caught of course. He had told Sarah that he had no social media sites and of course no wife for I was dead and he was a poor single father who missed his diceased wife so dearly. Sarah found his phone after he left and like and curious women went through it . Not only did she find his social media sites and pictures of me alive and well with our kids and him labeled that he was married to me she found out text messages as well under the title of wife! Thank goodness for smart women. When he returned she lunged his phone at him telling him to get out! She knew his dirty little secret and for the last two years he had ruined her life and a chance of a healthy relationship. She tried to contact me via Facebook but of course I was in basic training and she couldn't get ahold of me rather my ex-husband who logged into my Facebook and pretended to be me. Telling her that he had confessed everything and we were trying to work it out and how sorry I was that he had done that to her but begged her not to contact his chain of command for it would ruin our family and he would lose his career. All fake of course I would have told her to go for it and helped her along the way. Once I came home and started going through this divorce I found all this out from his step mother who kept it from me promising she wouldn't tell me as long as he never did it again, which he did so she told me, and I left his ass. I contacted Sarah and apologized greatly for the animal he is and told her I would fight to end him for it. I never got to end him but karma is hopefully on my side and will one day give him what he deserves which is nothing. I'm still healing from all of the lies and deceit and I'm sure Sarah is to so for all the Sarah's out there be smart, if a man seems too good to be true make sure you know the man you are with and for all those concerned although he is married again protect yourself from my ex husband and all the men like him. I hope you enjoyed reading about the day I died. I would love to hear some of your stories relating to this in the comments below. Have a great day everyone.

DIY All Purpose Cleaner

As promised in my last post I would give you all the inside scoop on my homemade all purpose cleaner. So here it is guys!! First lets start with the ingredients you will need for this fabulous concoction. You will need one empty spray bottle or you can purchase a new one for the low price of $1 at your local Dollar Store. You will also need some Tea Tree Oil which I order online because I also use it in my diffuser. And any scent of essential oil that you most enjoy to scent your cleaner. I chose Orange Blossom this time, however I do mix it up with each new batch as I get bored of one smell easily. You will also need some warm tap water and distilled white vinegar. Don't freak out your house wont smell of vinegar(my husband hate the smell of vinegar and he approves). So lets get started shall we. First grab your spray bottle. Fill it a little over half way full with warm tap water. Then fill the remainder of the bottle with vinegar. After that add roughly 15 drops of Tea tree oil.

This will be a natural disinfectant as well as the vinegar for your counter tops. Then its time to add your favorite scent of essential oils. Then just give it a little shake and there you go, simple easy and very cost effective All-Purpose cleaner. Also for those of you who are health conscious and have little ones running around licking their fingers after everything they touch this is a much safer alternative to the harsh chemical ridden All-Purpose cleaners that you would purpose at the local grocery store. And it costs just cents on the dollar to make once you have your spray bottle or save even more and reuse and old one once you skip repurchasing that yucky store bought cleaner. Happy Cleaning Everyone. Remember to follow my blog as I do update daily and follow me on twitter at blogginmama1109. Have a great day!!!

 

DIY Carpet Cleaner (MACHINE SAFE AS WELL)





 

For people like me who have tons of kid traffic running up and down their hallways as well as two very large chocolate labs, who might I add do not know how to wipe their paws, cleaning my carpet is a frequent must. Plus my dogs are puppies so we are still experiencing the occasional accident on the carpet. I have a Bissell Carpet Cleaner, the Pet version of course because its a little more abrasive and sucks up the pup hair better when the vacuum misses it. This homemade cleaner is both safe for my machine as well as if I was just spot cleaning with a rag by pour some on the floor and scrubbing out the mess by hand. Which I have had to do, as at one point my machine had broken down on me. NO FUN! So Here we go!! To make this totally awesome cleaner you will need just four ingredients. And if you follow my blog and gave making a batch of your own liquid laundry detergent a go you already have one of the needed ingredients!! So you will need 1/4 cup of any brand of all purpose cleaner (which I also make myself and I will add that DIY tip in a separate post so stay tuned for that awesomeness) Second you will need some Oxy Clean or a version of that, you will need one scoop the scooper is provided in the box and that is the amount which you will need. Also you will need 2 table spoons of that awesome liquid laundry detergent we made or just 2 table spoons of any brand liquid laundry detergent of your choice. You can add 1 teaspoon of a fabric softener of your choice(optional) for scent purposes of course, but I don't usually do that as my all purpose cleaner is scented from the orange blossom essential oil I add into it. But you may add the fabric softener if you so choose. Last but not least you will need a little let then a gallon of hot tap water and an old one gallon jug. We go through a lot of milk in our household so I just cleaned out and old milk just and I use that. Okay first things first, lets add the 2 table spoons of liquid laundry detergent to a 2 cup measuring cup or bowl it doesn't really matter. Then add in the 1/4 cup of all purpose cleaner any brand or my homemade all purpose cleaner, after that the one scoop of Oxy Clean or similar bran and add about a cup of the hot water from your jug. Stir that all together until you see that the Oxy Clean has dissolved. Once the Oxy Clean has dissolved you can do this one of two ways. Honestly depends how lazy I am feeling throughout this whopping five minute process lol.

So if you don't mind it getting a little sudsy just had that well blended mixture back into your jug and if its not all the way full of the hot water just simply slowly add more hot tap water tell the jug is about as full as your milk would have been. Then tighten the lid and give it a gently mixing by turning it up and down. If your not feeling lazy this is the actual way to do it to prevent some of the annoying sudzing. Once your mixture of the ingredients is all combined well add the remainder of the one gallon water and mixture slowly to a bowl large enough to capacitate it all and gently mix it all up. Once its well blended carefully pour the liquid back into your one gallon jug and cap it. Bam you have yourself a concentrated jug of carpet cleaner. Now my machine as a water fill line and chemical fill line to I usually abide by that. However if your machine does not and can capacitate much more then my machine can then mi roughly a 1/4 cup of the carpet cleaning mixture to about two cups of water and there you go you can use that mixture for hand cleaning the carpet or for your machine!! Happy cleaning. Please leave comment below if you would like any more information on this or any other DIY I have shared and some DIY projects you all may be interested. I'm just another working mom living the dream through my blog loving helping families like you save and be as chemically safe for their families as I have been able to so far. Have a great day everyone and happy reading. Follow my blog, comment, like and share the love on titter you can find me as blogginmama1109 on twitter!  



 

 

DIY Laundry Detergent

I have kids with very sensitive skin. So For the last 5 years I have been making my own liquid or dry detergent. The last batch of detergent I made was dry, but I have decided that I really like the liquid detergent the best, so today I am sharing with all of you just how I make that happen. So first things first the ingredients. Your going to need Borax, Arm & Hammer super washing soda, Baking Soda, and any type of stain remover I happen to like Oxy Clean, and a 400gram bar of Zote soap. I like the Pink Zote! Also you will need two 5 Gallon buckets with lids or one 5 Gallon bucket and ten-twelve 1 Gallon jugs. Old milk or water jugs work great for this, however for storage purposes I prefer to keep my soap in the two 5 Gallon buckets. 

 Now get yourself a fairly deep pot and fill it about three inches from the top. And set it to Just warm enough to get the water steamy, but not so hot that it begins to boil. I usually set my burner to medium, but every stove is different.  Once the water is nice and hot your going to want to add your shredded Zote soap. You can also use FelsNaptha or other Zote colors. This is just my preference and what works best for my family. Get yourself a grader and shred up the entire 400 Grams of Zote soap.(yes I make my husband do it, your arms get sore after awhile lol) and Add it to your steamy pot of water. Stir constantly until all your soap has melted in the pot.

 

Once all of you Zote soap is melted in the pot of water its time to add the Borax. I add 2 3/4 cups of Borax to the pot for my recipe. The Borax will immediately get thick like a big clump in the pot. You will just stir it and break it up until its all nice and smooth and worked in. Your liquid will now be a little thicker, sorta the consistency of slime and once it reaches that point you can leave it alone and it time to fill your buckets with the hottest tap water you can get. If your tap water doesn't get very hot you can also warm some water up on the stove.

 Once you have one of your 5 Gallon buckets half full with water you will pour your mixture from the stove top into the bucket and give it a good stir with a paint stick or a long piece of wood or even one of those spinner things you can hook onto a drill I think its like a paint stirrer just saves you the arm work. Once that is fairly mixed you will add in 2 3/4 cups of the Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda. Stir that all in tell its nice and mixed up. After that you will grab your Baking soda and add in 1 cup to your mix. Then add in one cup of your stain remover I use Oxy Clean, however I have heard good things about the Totally Awesome Oxygen Cleaner that you can get at the Dollar Tree. I buy all my ingredients in bulk so that I can make more then one batch. Overall I save a ton of money on laundry soap.

Once you have stirred all your ingredients into the bucket its time to fill it the rest of the way up with more hot water. I fill it about to inches from the top as this will expand when you let it rest over night. So after your done stirring gently set the lid onto your laundry soap. DO NOT SEAL TIGHTLY!!! This laundry soap will congeal and rise over night and yes I have done it, I tightened my lid while it was settling over night the very first time and it shot off from building up pressure. Its the reaction the Borax has with liquids. So nothing to be alarmed of your washing machine will not implode and this is even safe for HE machines! Because its low sudzing. Now let the product rest for at least 8 hours or even over night like I do.  



In the morning you should have a product that looks like this. If it doesn't and it more liquefied then mine DO NOT PANIC! Your laundry soap is still good and still effective to clean your clothes. The chemical reaction just didn't have as much of an effect and yes altitude can play a role in the making of this laundry soap. 



After your product has had the time to set in and congeal, you will give it a good ole stir. You can either use your stirrer at this point or you can use your hands. Heck even let the little ones get in there with their hands and have them mix it up and make it fun for everyone. It feels very weird. Make sure you break up all the clumps and mix it as best you can. Once that's complete I take my measuring cup and I begin to scoop the product out into the second 5 Gallon bucket that I have. Yes this recipe makes 10 GALLONS!! For a sliver of what it would cost me to purchase chemical ridden products for my family. Once you have each bucket filled half way with the product you will then fill each bucket with hot tap water again about 2 inches from the top. One last stir to mix it all up and gently carry your product to wherever it is you intend to keep it. 

 At this point I gently seal the bucket that I will not be diving into first making sure I don't push down and pressurize the bucket. However for save measure and can always just gently set the lid on if you would feel more comfortable. I then carry my buckets to my laundry room upstairs and BAM I am done! I have a traditional laundry from an old laundry detergent jug and I just give it a quick stir before I take a scoop and pour I in my machine and let it do its job. My clothes always come out clean and fresh each time! 10 Gallons lasts my family of four for at least a year. And with both my husband and I in the Army and two daughters who change every five minutes I run through 10 loads a week easy. So if you like to know what is going into your families skin and LOVE to save money like I do give this a try. I also know how to make this product in a dry format, so if that's something you all would be interested in let me know. Later down the road I will put a few more posts up as to how I make my own stain pre-treater as well as my own dryer sheets! Lots more good money saving DIY tips coming your way, so stay tuned and click that follow button for more tips, tricks, and DIY ideas. If Yall have any suggestion for DIY activities you would like a tutorial on let me know and I will try to get that up. From one crafty person to another have a great day!!



Miscarriage

In my last blog post some of you may have noticed I stated that I have already had issues with miscarriage in the past. I have two beautiful daughters, however I have had a total of seven pregnancies! After I gave birth to my oldest daughter via C-Section the doctor discovered that I have a bicornuate uterus. If any of you also have that same issue, you know that this causes an issue carrying to full term for the most part. At six months I was going in and out of the hospital with my oldest daughter. Constantly having to get my labor stopped. It was a pretty emotional experience. When it came time to try for baby number two I struggled with four losses. I remember them being physically painful and a lot of blood but I don't think that I ever stopped to ask myself how I was feeling after them. I didn't have all the emotional support from my ex-husband that I would have liked so I suppose because it didn't hurt him that I told myself that I wasn't allowed to be hurt either. Then finally I got myself a sticky little princess. My youngest daughter Kaydence held on a lot longer before giving me any problems. A whopping 30 weeks before she sent me into labor. I was able to keep my body from causing any problems a little bit longer, I feel because I was able to reduce my stress load and I took lots of vitamins and progesterone and did everything and anything that I could do to keep her stuck. She lasted 36 weeks the same as my oldest. Recently this year with my current husband. Now before I type this remind yourself from my previous posts that my tubes are tied. Cauterized to be specific. My husband always jokes with me since we both want more kids and are planning the IVF route that he has some type of super hero semen and he thinks he can magically get me pregnant. Well of course I always shoot that idea down because I am a realist. But February came and I had been grumpy and eating strange things and sex was just so painful all the sudden, I could barely enjoy it at all for awhile. I decided that I needed to stop stressing and I eased my mind by taking a pregnancy test which of course I knew would be negative. However it wasn't. It was POSITIVE! I was shocked, I had no idea what to think or believe. I was happy but I was scared. I know what the dangers are of getting pregnant after a tubal litigation. The possibility of ectopic pregnancy is damn near guaranteed. I was very fortunate that that was not the case. But hours after I found out I started to feel the awful sensation of cramping. I texted my husband and told him the news, I also broke it to him that I was losing the baby. I know my body and I knew what was coming. I should have expected it in my situation. The bleeding set in and I tried to stay calm. Two days later I had to let my chain of command know. The pain was just so bad and the bleeding was unlike I have ever experienced before. I bled all through my uniform, I bled through overnight maxi pads in 20 minutes. It was as if a river of red was flowing out from me. I made it to the doctor four days after it began. It was the worst the bleeding had ever been. The doctor made me remove my lower garments, as I laid down and placed my feet in the stirrups I could feel the blood rushing down me. He did an internal examination which hurt like someone shoving a baseball bat inside me. I cried as I lay there shivering on the doctor table, shaking from the pain and embarrassment. He referred me to the OBGYN and they got me in right away. The doctor was very concerned about my bleeding and she ended up having to prescribe me these awful pills. I had to take one every 6 hours for 24 hours straight. She also prescribed me a heavy narcotic to ease the pain. I had no idea the journey these pills would take me on and why she had prescribed me the pain medication until I began my first pill. It was to help my uterus clamp down and sluff off any remaining flesh inside me and slow the bleeding. Basically it would put my uterus into labor for 24 hours straight. I felt so sick, I couldn't eat, I couldn't drink, I could barely keep my eyes open, lift my head, or function for that matter. For three days my husband waited on me hand and foot. And never left my side the entire time unless it was to grab me something I needed or replace my ice pack. He stood by me in my time of need. I didn't want him to stay there and watch me suffer, but he did. I had never had someone that actually cared as much as I did about what I was going through. All of the sudden I felt everything, I felt the emotional pain I had never felt from all the others. I felt pain for me and pain for my husband. I balled my eyes out off and on for two days. Not once did he make me feel less of a person for doing so and I was so thankful in that moment for it was him that I found in this life to spend every moment with. I couldn't be more lucky then I am to have the man I have. We are still planning on trying again and going through IVF which should help alleviate some of the issues that that my body poses on me. So wish me some baby dust for when we actually start trying and of course I will update you all and I will bring you all along with me on my journey to conception. As always have an awesome day ya'll. And for those of you suffering loss or having suffered a loss you are not alone.

Having kids with your second marriage/half siblings

I always told myself that if my ex-husband and I ever separated that I would never have more kids. I just didn't want children from more then one father. I didn't want the possibility of my new partner loving their blood child more then his step children to ever have a chance of arising. But of course, as we grow older and we find ourselves in these experiences its much more then to have just thought about what you would do in that situation rather then really beginning to live it. I also never imagined I would be a divorced mother of two for real one day, but here I am living this crazy beautiful life.
Now that life has chosen this path for me and my husband and I have been discussing expanding our family I realize that its not such a horrible thing to have children from different fathers. Now I am not saying its okay to go out and have eight baby daddy's, but it is okay to start over again and add more love to the nest per say. My husband and I are very open with each other and I have for sure brought up my concerns of him loving or treating his own blood differently. He has expressed greatly how having more kids would not change a thing as it is simply that more kids. He would just have a few more people to love. I must admit that although he did answer my questions he did let me know that it hurt him a little to know I would ever have that worry in my heart because if it were up to him he would have been the one to help make the girls but whether they are his blood or not they are his daughters and nothing and no on changes that. It warms my heart to know and hear him express with such emotion how he feels about things like this and only solidifies my love and appreciation of him that much more. So it looks like that this time next year when we return from deployment that we will be starting our journey to grow our little family. Fingers crossed we get some boys my poor husband is out numbered severely. If you haven't read my other blog posts one you should! And secondly you would then know in 2013 I made a huge mistake and had my tubes tied per the request of my ex-husband. So my husband and I have a journey ahead of us. We weighed the option of getting my tubes reversed but they were cauterized which makes it a less likely chance of success, higher rate of miscarriage which I already struggle with and ectopic pregnancy which neither of us want. So we have discussed it and we are thinking that although pricey, IVF is the road that we feel best to take. So if any of you have gone through this experience please leave a comment here or on twitter you can find me @blogginmama1109 as well as my Gmail mrsbrittanymiller1109 and let me know what your thoughts or experiences have been. I would love to hear from some of you. Have a good one everyone!

Step Parents

I grew up with an AMAZING step father! I love him to pieces and I have never felt anything less then blood to him. I swear I even have his attitude and dry sense of humor. He has been apart of my life since I was 18 months old and filled shoes like no other man ever could. I didn't know my biological father until I was four. He wasn't in my life really until then. But that's a post for another time. My step dad was always harder on me then my step sister and for the longest time I always thought it might have been because she was his blood. As I grew older I realized that it was only because he loved me so much and only wanted the best for me. My step sister is much older then me as my dad is 10 years older then my mom. Don't worry they met when they were in their 20s and 30s so it wasn't as gross as it used to sound in my head when I was younger. Anyways my step sister was mainly raised by her mom which in my opinion did horrid job and basically let her get away with murder. She was an awful teenager. My dad wanted to make sure that I turned out differently. That I worked hard, studied hard, and remained focused all the time and held myself to a higher standard because it was a standard that he knew I was capable of achieving. I don't think that without his
influence on me as a kid that I would be nearly the women I am today. He taught me to love myself, he and my mom showed me what love was supposed to look like and I only wish I had taken that example and ran with it when I decided to get married the first time. But, we all make mistakes and my first marriage was mine and that's okay because I am only human. When I divorced my ex-husband I knew because I had such an awesome example of what a step dad should be for a child I had very high standards that I would not settle for anything less then. When I met my husband I expressed to him how important my daughters were to me and that in a second if he didn't cut the mustard that I would drop him for them without even thinking. He knew that I expected much from him from the get go so when it came time for him to meet the girls I hoped he would be ready. The day came for the girls to meet the man I had given my heart to. He exceeded my expectations with them and that of course made me fall even more in love with him. Just the way he looked at them and interacted with them I could tell right away that he was the perfect fit for our little family. The girls adore him and I think they might even like him more then me sometimes haha. Their biological father is of course not as supportive of my husbands bond with the girls, but after all the stuff I put up with him he can just get over it. I know that together my husband and I will be able to set an amazing example of the type of love they deserve. As well as the type of man and how a man should treat a women. Because Lord knows they wont get that from their father especially if they ever find out all that he has done in the regards of disrespecting women including their mother. I will start my decent from my soap box now but I just want to give it up for all the step parents out there that truly love their step children. Blood doesn't make a parent love does. Have a great day ya'll!