Miscarriage

In my last blog post some of you may have noticed I stated that I have already had issues with miscarriage in the past. I have two beautiful daughters, however I have had a total of seven pregnancies! After I gave birth to my oldest daughter via C-Section the doctor discovered that I have a bicornuate uterus. If any of you also have that same issue, you know that this causes an issue carrying to full term for the most part. At six months I was going in and out of the hospital with my oldest daughter. Constantly having to get my labor stopped. It was a pretty emotional experience. When it came time to try for baby number two I struggled with four losses. I remember them being physically painful and a lot of blood but I don't think that I ever stopped to ask myself how I was feeling after them. I didn't have all the emotional support from my ex-husband that I would have liked so I suppose because it didn't hurt him that I told myself that I wasn't allowed to be hurt either. Then finally I got myself a sticky little princess. My youngest daughter Kaydence held on a lot longer before giving me any problems. A whopping 30 weeks before she sent me into labor. I was able to keep my body from causing any problems a little bit longer, I feel because I was able to reduce my stress load and I took lots of vitamins and progesterone and did everything and anything that I could do to keep her stuck. She lasted 36 weeks the same as my oldest. Recently this year with my current husband. Now before I type this remind yourself from my previous posts that my tubes are tied. Cauterized to be specific. My husband always jokes with me since we both want more kids and are planning the IVF route that he has some type of super hero semen and he thinks he can magically get me pregnant. Well of course I always shoot that idea down because I am a realist. But February came and I had been grumpy and eating strange things and sex was just so painful all the sudden, I could barely enjoy it at all for awhile. I decided that I needed to stop stressing and I eased my mind by taking a pregnancy test which of course I knew would be negative. However it wasn't. It was POSITIVE! I was shocked, I had no idea what to think or believe. I was happy but I was scared. I know what the dangers are of getting pregnant after a tubal litigation. The possibility of ectopic pregnancy is damn near guaranteed. I was very fortunate that that was not the case. But hours after I found out I started to feel the awful sensation of cramping. I texted my husband and told him the news, I also broke it to him that I was losing the baby. I know my body and I knew what was coming. I should have expected it in my situation. The bleeding set in and I tried to stay calm. Two days later I had to let my chain of command know. The pain was just so bad and the bleeding was unlike I have ever experienced before. I bled all through my uniform, I bled through overnight maxi pads in 20 minutes. It was as if a river of red was flowing out from me. I made it to the doctor four days after it began. It was the worst the bleeding had ever been. The doctor made me remove my lower garments, as I laid down and placed my feet in the stirrups I could feel the blood rushing down me. He did an internal examination which hurt like someone shoving a baseball bat inside me. I cried as I lay there shivering on the doctor table, shaking from the pain and embarrassment. He referred me to the OBGYN and they got me in right away. The doctor was very concerned about my bleeding and she ended up having to prescribe me these awful pills. I had to take one every 6 hours for 24 hours straight. She also prescribed me a heavy narcotic to ease the pain. I had no idea the journey these pills would take me on and why she had prescribed me the pain medication until I began my first pill. It was to help my uterus clamp down and sluff off any remaining flesh inside me and slow the bleeding. Basically it would put my uterus into labor for 24 hours straight. I felt so sick, I couldn't eat, I couldn't drink, I could barely keep my eyes open, lift my head, or function for that matter. For three days my husband waited on me hand and foot. And never left my side the entire time unless it was to grab me something I needed or replace my ice pack. He stood by me in my time of need. I didn't want him to stay there and watch me suffer, but he did. I had never had someone that actually cared as much as I did about what I was going through. All of the sudden I felt everything, I felt the emotional pain I had never felt from all the others. I felt pain for me and pain for my husband. I balled my eyes out off and on for two days. Not once did he make me feel less of a person for doing so and I was so thankful in that moment for it was him that I found in this life to spend every moment with. I couldn't be more lucky then I am to have the man I have. We are still planning on trying again and going through IVF which should help alleviate some of the issues that that my body poses on me. So wish me some baby dust for when we actually start trying and of course I will update you all and I will bring you all along with me on my journey to conception. As always have an awesome day ya'll. And for those of you suffering loss or having suffered a loss you are not alone.